[Please, bear with me. I swear I tried to be brief and concise.]
When I first came here, we were told that January-February was usually the hardest time for volunteers – as it combines the return from our family for Christmas and the excruciatingly slow end of the cold, grim season. For me, though, March-April-May was the most challenging period, punctuated with highs and lows, happy and stressful moments.
Several factors played a role in that. Being sick for the entirety of March took a toll on my body. (So much for having never got ill since 2020…) But what I found myself struggling the most with was our moving out, at the very beginning of April. It triggered a lot of anxiety and frustration. I’d rather not dwell on these feelings nor their causes, as I do not wish to be weighed down by residual anger. Let’s just say that it took me a while to recover from it. I also knew that it would take some time for the new place to feel homey, but I did not expect for it to take so long. For the true creature of comfort that I am, it did not help that it took two months for the flat to be fully furnished.
Overall, the recurrent issues regarding our housing situation made me realize that there are very few things as frustrating as not holding the cards in your own hands. So there have been days when I caught myself longing for home, longing for more agency over my environment. The moving-in also coincided with the departure of yet another one of my roommates (to whom I have got close), which didn’t help at all, as I felt that part of what made our place a home left with her. Of course, I knew that I would create tight bonds during my ECS, and that the time spent with some people would be (too) short. I expected the sadness of seeing a friend go. It still doesn’t make the reality of it any less painful – even with the comforting thought that technology allows us to stay in touch. I must confess that, as half of my time here has already passed by, I feel wholly unprepared for the sorrow of leaving people behind when it all will end. Knowing from experience that it is impossible to keep in touch with everyone, I can’t help but hear this unpleasant ticking clock at the back of my mind. So I try to cram as many things and people as possible in my schedule. Then I forced myself to slow down, as one can simply not win a race again time. An ordinary struggle for an ESC volunteer, I suppose.
And then, there is the unexpected happiness that I found in “Freizi”, for which I have grown increasingly grateful. A shift occurred around February-March, when I started feeling truly accepted – loved even – by some residents. I cannot describe my elation when someone comes specifically to me for something. “Freizi” now brings me a feeling of peace; however bad a morning may be, the afternoon that follows will always lift my spirit. Of course, days can be eventful, chaotic even, sometimes truly exhausting, and some are surprisingly slow. And I am under no illusion that the residents’ lives are easy. Yet there are always laughers, and smiles, and fun activities, and just so much light.
This is why, as inexperienced as I still am, and with my frustratingly slow progress in the mastering of the difficult German language, I do my best to I give back as much as possible of this warmth that I receive, for I do not wish to be greedy or ungrateful. Rewarding was also the realization that my colleagues rely on me more. I very seldom feel like a burden these days – quite a feat in itself, I would say! Even more heartwarming, I know that my colleagues have my best interest at heart and will support me if needed. A true privilege compared to other volunteers with much less favourable circumstances.
Now that the warmer season has finally come, exploring Bremen and its surroundings has become a source of perpetual renewed wonder. I felt in love with the botanical garden, and discovered many lovely corners that I proudly show to my friends who come to visit. It’s nice to feel that the city is no longer just a place where I live, but a place where I am settling in. The ability to travel around is another privilege that I am fully taking advantage of. This part of Germany has a lot to offer and I enjoy going on little trips here and there.
In the midst of all of this, I am spending as much time as possible with the people whom I met here, and I am looking forward to continuing having fun with everyone!Now entering the last chapter of my journey in Bremen, I am curious as to what awaits me. I’ll focus on trying not to stress too much about achieving all that I have planned and being happy for all that I’ll have experienced in the end.
(Update on the German trains: still quite the liability. But All Hails to the Truly Marvellous Deutschlandticket! God, you will be missed!)
Marine is hosted by Friedehorst Teilhabe Leben gGmbH on our project co-funded by the European Union.
If you want to experience something similar to what Marine did, check out our open calls here.
