If you ask me, life is a very personal path that we take with many choices and non-choices. When you look back on all the experiences that are sometimes satisfying and sometimes disappointing, you begin to see that the things that make you you do not come from the beautiful sunny days alone.
Before I came here, and from June 2022, which has already turned into past experiences, I think I asked myself the question ‘Who is Esra?’ the most. Decisions, questions, renunciations that I came across in most of the answers. I think these reports are very valuable. Sometimes you learn to embroider with the help of a magnifying glass, even on the little things that you will experience in life, and you notice the details that you missed.
In my current situation, writing this article made me feel more emotional than usual. I never thought I’d be so proud of the decision I’ve made, the point I’ve brought myself to. I can look back at the life events brought about by a decision that I predict will be a turning point in my own life, and everything I have experienced so far, and wink with gratitude. I think the main reason for this is because of what this actually perfectly imperfect experience gave me. Many experiences where I learned about myself, how I changed, felt like I had grown, and sometimes I felt like a little kid.
When you go from one place to another, you put not only your belongings in your suitcase, but also your worries that you want to leave behind. I can see that I have learned to live better with these anxieties at the point where the relationships I have established and the life I have built have brought me. I have a job that allows time to flow at my own pace, my co-workers who taught me a lot about personal boundaries without realizing it, the volunteer community that I met here purely as a result of coincidence. I am trying to embrace the innovations in my life while I write my sadness that this precious experience that I felt I could talk about for pages for each title will eventually come to an end.
Most recently, while watching a theater play with hundreds of children at Schlachthof, I felt that the heart of the child inside me was warm somewhere. I remember the moments when I listened to the artists I never knew at their concerts for the first time and then added the songs I liked to my playlist, saying that this was a really interesting experience. Although I knew how difficult it was when speaking German, I understood how this compassionate voice was affected by the environment when I saw how less judgmental I was towards myself. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I’ve done everything I can ( perfectionism again 🙂 ).
Every time I come to the conclusion that I am grateful for all my experience. Volunteering at Schlachthof was an experience for me, like a happy child never getting bored of playing in this city where my path crossed. It was a great honor to organize a workshop where we aimed to listen to the experiences of Ukrainian women refugees and to see myself talking about a common issue with people from many different nationalities. These examples can be multiplied, but in this report I will not cite individual examples as I want to focus more on how I feel and think.
I would like to end by saying that when I look back on everything, I am grateful for everything it has taught me. I would like to thank everyone I have encountered along the way and each experience that has left a piece of itself in my life.